On November 8th, I spoke on God's grace at Life Hurts, God Heals. In preparing for the lesson, I was reminded of an amazing example of grace that changed my life forever.
It all began one August day in 2007. Rachel, Mikah, and I were visiting my family in Cleveland, Ohio. Little did I know, there were more than three family members that flew into Cleveland that week.
I'll never forget the afternoon when Rachel asked me to come and talk to her. I had just gotten home with my dad and Mikah. I recognized the tone in her voice, so I rushed upstairs to meet her. I figured she had bought a pair of shoes or splurged on a new dress or something, no big deal, right? Boy, was I wrong. There are no words to articulate the array of feelings that pulsed through my body when Rachel handed me the positive pregnancy test.
I remember hearing something that closely resembled the shards of my shattered dreams falling to the floor. I was speechless...awkwardly speechless. However, my thoughts were traveling at light speeds. I began thinking, "I just knew that since Rachel and I had only wanted one child since the day we met, it was our destiny, right? And I just started graduate school last year. How am I ever going to finish with another baby in the picture? And what about my music...It's all over!" All the plans that I had in mind of how our life was going to unfold were obliterated that day.
The problem did not begin with my state of shock that day. The problem began shortly after we arrived back in Memphis when I decided to begin riding the lonely train of fear. No human could stop the train of thought that I was riding. I was going full-steam ahead to a place where love did not exist. I was determined that this baby was going to ruin my life. As a matter of fact, I denied that wife was even pregnant for three months. I avoided the topic altogether.
Then one night, God decided enough was enough. I was in a state of fear and distress, and I was convinced that nothing could or would change the way I felt about my situation. Then, God showed up. That night, God decided to completely change the way that I was thinking and feeling. God's grace came to me in the form a dream that I could not have produced on my own.
That night a little girl visited me in my dream. It wasn't Mikah, and it wasn't Rachel, but I had an overwhelming feeling that I had known this little girl for many years. With a sweet and soft voice, she said, "Daddy, I love you." I remember beginning to cry as I realized who she was. She was the child my wife was carrying. Her voice and her smile seemed to calm the storm that had been raging in my mind for three months. I remember looking into her eyes, and hearing Jesus say, "Everything is going to be alright." I looked at her and said, "I love you...thank you." Then, I remember seeing her run off to play with Mikah and Rachel.
I woke up that morning feeling refreshed and revived. I looked over at Rachel sleeping and I smiled. I looked at her pregnant belly, and felt a sense of warmth. I already knew the baby girl inside.
That morning, I realized that I had gotten so dependent on my carefully laid out plans for a sense of security, that I couldn't recognize the beautiful gift that God had given me.
It wasn't a lesson on earthly dependence that I learned that morning. What I learned is that God's grace is a beautiful force that empowers us to move forward when we are stuck. Ephesians 2:5 says, "Though we were spiritually dead because of the things we did against God, he gave us new life in Christ. You have been saved through God's grace."
That night, God saved me through grace. My thoughts and feelings were headed to a place where love did not exist, yet he showered his love on me in a dream that night, and I was changed. What a wonderful God we serve.
Now, the only thing left I had to do was convince Rachel that we were having a girl.
